I don’t believe in the power of positive thinking. There, I’ve said it. I’ve come out. I don’t need constant validation for my actions, and most of all I don’t want YES people around me all day. Too much sunshine makes me yearn for a rainy day. I need people who are willing to argue with me, show me logically that there may be a better way. Platitudes with smiley faces add nothing to my life, and I don’t have sunshine and roses to offer others.
In the beginning
One of my relatives announced he was going to build a new home on some land he had recently purchased. Most people interpret this to mean he was going to have a house built on his property. In fact what he said was what he meant - he was going to build the house, the entire structure from the ground up.
The reaction from non-family members was:
“You can’t do that. You have no experience in building and all the other nuances that go into actually building a house.”
“Impossible!”
“You’ll screw it up, waste money and time, you need to seek council.”
From within the family the thought was a little different, more like:
“You may want to consider outsourcing some off the work.”
“That’s a hell of a lot to take on, are you sure you want to do all of it?”
“Do you need any help?”
In the middle
He built the house. Family members never doubted he could do it, they merely questioned the right way to go about it. He went to the library, studied a few books on building, plumbing etc. and built a fine three bedroom home. Never once did it occur to him that he couldn’t do it.
In our family it was not a matter of doing or not doing a thing, or thinking about it; once determined to take action, it was how best to approach it.
How we thought
We had no jargon, no pithy slogan for thinking. It was OK to have a bad day, to be in a slump or have the blues. For a while.
We had a word for having the blahs too long; it was called laziness. If someone was actually sick, that was a different matter. It was OK to be sick as long as something was being done to get better.
In the End
Then, about 30 years ago I first heard the term Positive Thinking. I will go to my grave never understanding exactly what that means. From reading and observing so-called positive thinkers I believe it is a general term for perceiving reality as good, no matter what it actually is. One definition from Self Growth : Positive thinking is a discipline that trains the human mind to change a perceived reality by repeatedly making positive mental statements.
I fail to see the benefit of NOT seeing reality as it is. This is like being blind in one eye; why would I want to see the world in a half-assed manner? I believe there is a single reality, and I don’t want to miss any of it. I admire strong men and women who can stand alone, leaders who have no need of constant emotional and psychological reinforcement.
I call this balanced thinking, a variation of critical thinking. Someone recently commented that I seem to have a lot of interests and hobbies. That’s true, and I’ve also worked in such discrete professions it may seem strange to some. The bottom line is:
Why do something.
Is it the right thing to do?
Do I really want to do it?
Where to start.
I was influenced to write this post after reading “Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work for You and How to Fix it” by Chris Garrett.
Note that he is not saying positive thinking can’t be fixed. He is calling for action to make it work.
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I think this is interesting too. It's part of the reason I like the Happiness Project book. I do think many, many, many people's main goal in life is to “be happy.” What is being happy though? That's the question that's hard to answer and very subjective. I do agree with you that the power of positive thinking can get a little . . . much . . . when delivered improperly (improperly for me, I guess – the person delivering it might think it works great!). Thanks for the food for thought.
Thanks for commenting Missy. Defining terms is so very important in communication.
I need to have another look at the Happiness Project book. I did watch a couple of the videos – I was glad to see some original thought in them.
About attaining happiness, what better to try for than that?
'The Secret' was a marketing masterpiece that many people salivated over proclaiming positive thinking and the law of attraction.
“I don’t need constant validation for my actions.”
Do you think we as a society need 'constant validation' because the children of baby boomers (I guess that would include me, although I was not raised as such) were raised having so much positive validation when one doesn't have any validation and attention, one feels ignored?
Hi Ken,
I am a boomer. I think you have a point about our children. If a child never learns to avoid the herd mentality the parent has done a disservice. My opinion is, society has been deluded into thinking that all we have to do is think good thoughts and whatever we want will happen. This is much deeper than I ever thought.
I'm reading an excellent book – Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehrenreich – where she reveals how this concept has become embedded, almost like a religion in nearly all aspects of life in America. A lot of shysters are making a lot of money selling this snake-oil to people. I could see this happening simply by watching people buy CDs, DVDs, big bucks for seminars, etc.
I knew when I wrote this not many people would read it. I wrote it because this is what I think. Taking a stance on something so fixed as positive thinking is sacrilege.
Thanks for your input.
I love this post :)
Thanks Michelle. Glad you stopped by.
The Big mistake people make with positive thinking is they try to do think positive 24/7. So therefore they are in what may seem as a fantasy land
Good point. Makes me wonder how many people do live in a fantasy world.
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